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[pursuitofcappiness]

Steve Rogers

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Re: text; un: barnes

[pursuitofcappiness]

Not really sure how to describe this, but I'm glad you're here. You got strings on your hands?

[lednikovyy]

yeah and I don't know what it says about my life that that's not even in the top ten weirdest thing in my life right now.

[pursuitofcappiness]

Okay.

How about you clue me into the top 3 or so?

[lednikovyy]

Skye handed me my dead mother's engagement ring for one.

[pursuitofcappiness]

'Cause you gave it to her on the boat? You know, that's not necessarily a rejection.

[lednikovyy]

I hope it is because I wouldn't have given to her in my right mind!

[pursuitofcappiness]

Does she want to marry you?

I need you to give me a couple more words, here.

[lednikovyy]

in what universe is marriage even on the table for me other than that stupid fantasy life we were living on that boat?

besides, it's really not like that with us. that's why it was so awkward. shit.

[pursuitofcappiness]

We don't have to go back to the Earth we were on before, Buck. We can just fix things up here, get everyone else back, and stay. They can go on without us.

So, this universe.

And - listen, do you wanna come talk about this in person? You know I'm not good at talking on this thing.

[lednikovyy]

that's a nice thought, but abandoning a world in need isn't your thing. I don't really want it to be mine, either.

I'll come to you.

[ Talking about this makes him feel like running already, but there's nowhere to run and at some point he knows he'll have to stop running. Steve's hard to outrun, anyway. ]

[pursuitofcappiness]

Door's open.

[ They can talk about retiring later - the world survived without Steve for seventy years, and they always know where to find him. ]

[lednikovyy]

[ When Bucky shows up, he's not exactly shocked to see that one of his threads seems to have lead directly to Steve. He smiles at it a little ruefully as he closes the door behind him. ]

Well look at that. Looks like we really are stuck with each other 'til the end of the line.

[ And it's not something Bucky's unhappy about. ]

[pursuitofcappiness]

[ Steve holds up his hand. ]

Like you thought any different before.

[ He goes over to pat Bucky on the arm. ]

Come on, take a seat, I'm making coffee.

[lednikovyy]

You always know just what I need.

[ Bucky perches himself on the edge of a seat and watches the string connecting them with a sense of wonder. Maybe he shouldn't doubt the connection they have, but sometimes it's hard for Bucky not to question just about everything, even in the face of proof.

With a heavy sigh, he pulls his mother's ring out of his pocket and it feels like it weighs a million pounds to him. He can't help thinking about Skye and his mother and that fake life he'd had on the boat with his mother and sisters still alive. He'd even found Steve in it and taken to him instantly. ]

[pursuitofcappiness]

Buck, you know.

Even if aren't that guy, it doesn't mean you can't have the nice parts of his life.

[ He also breaks out a bag of chips, because screw having a decent diet, Bucky needs some comfort food. ]

[lednikovyy]

I don't want to be that guy. I want to be me. That guy might have had some things I miss, but he was missing some pretty integral parts of my life.

[ He gives Steve a meaningful look, because hello Steve's just as much his family as his mother and sisters and he's actually still alive. ]

Also he was working with the mafia. Guess no one was around to keep him out of trouble when he was young by getting him into other trouble.

[pursuitofcappiness]

I mean, you can still have the things in that guy's life, if you wanted.

[ Though he is glad that Bucky would still choose him over anything. Obviously, the feeling's mutual. ]

...You think that's how we would've turned out? Without each other?

[lednikovyy]

I have no idea, but I got no interest in a life without you to keep me humble and perpetually worried.

[ He laughs and shoves Steve gently. ]

Look, I'm not that guy, Steve, and I've got no interest in being him. I just want to be a slightly less damaged version of me.

[pursuitofcappiness]

Alright, fine.

[ He presents Bucky with coffee. ]

So, you both agree about the ring?

[lednikovyy]

Well, she gave it back to me, didn't she?

[ He huffs and takes the coffee, blowing on it slowly. ]

Hell, if I ever propose to you like that, just smash me in the head with your shield until I forget, alright?

[pursuitofcappiness]

You ever propose to me at all, I'll make sure you forget.

[ Didn't he basically just say he ain't the marrying type, why would he propose to Steve.

Why would he propose to Steve who he isn't in a relationship with... ]

[lednikovyy]

Thanks. I think I might've learned a lesson about sleeping with friends.

[ The joke doesn't keep his mood light for long, though, and his face drops to something more serious. ]

Not having the right memories like that and then coming back from it felt too much like after I got away from HYDRA, you know? Feels like I can handle a lot in this place just fine, but having my head messed with isn't easy.

[pursuitofcappiness]

...Hey, I get it.

But it wasn't just you.

And hey, next time this happens, if I'm not affected, I'll knock you out of it, no matter how happy you are.

[lednikovyy]

I just don't like the idea of anything messing with my head. I've had enough of that for at least two lifetimes.

[ He can't quite make eye contact with Steve while he's talking about this. There's so much about what was done from him that he tries to protect Steve from knowing. Maybe it's pointless, but he's not exactly in a shape to protect Steve from much else these days. ]

I don't even like letting Shuri in there and she's helping me.

[pursuitofcappiness]

[ Shuri couldn't hurt a fly unless it was supposed to be to protect someone. So he claps Bucky on the arm and pulls him into a loose embrace. ]

Someday it's not gonna have to be like this, alright?