pursuitofcappiness | inbox

[ When Bucky shows up, he's not exactly shocked to see that one of his threads seems to have lead directly to Steve. He smiles at it a little ruefully as he closes the door behind him. ]

Well look at that. Looks like we really are stuck with each other 'til the end of the line.

[ And it's not something Bucky's unhappy about. ]

Edited 2020-03-11 23:41 (UTC)

[ Steve holds up his hand. ]

Like you thought any different before.

[ He goes over to pat Bucky on the arm. ]

Come on, take a seat, I'm making coffee.

You always know just what I need.

[ Bucky perches himself on the edge of a seat and watches the string connecting them with a sense of wonder. Maybe he shouldn't doubt the connection they have, but sometimes it's hard for Bucky not to question just about everything, even in the face of proof.

With a heavy sigh, he pulls his mother's ring out of his pocket and it feels like it weighs a million pounds to him. He can't help thinking about Skye and his mother and that fake life he'd had on the boat with his mother and sisters still alive. He'd even found Steve in it and taken to him instantly. ]

Buck, you know.

Even if aren't that guy, it doesn't mean you can't have the nice parts of his life.

[ He also breaks out a bag of chips, because screw having a decent diet, Bucky needs some comfort food. ]

I don't want to be that guy. I want to be me. That guy might have had some things I miss, but he was missing some pretty integral parts of my life.

[ He gives Steve a meaningful look, because hello Steve's just as much his family as his mother and sisters and he's actually still alive. ]

Also he was working with the mafia. Guess no one was around to keep him out of trouble when he was young by getting him into other trouble.

I mean, you can still have the things in that guy's life, if you wanted.

[ Though he is glad that Bucky would still choose him over anything. Obviously, the feeling's mutual. ]

...You think that's how we would've turned out? Without each other?

I have no idea, but I got no interest in a life without you to keep me humble and perpetually worried.

[ He laughs and shoves Steve gently. ]

Look, I'm not that guy, Steve, and I've got no interest in being him. I just want to be a slightly less damaged version of me.

Alright, fine.

[ He presents Bucky with coffee. ]

So, you both agree about the ring?

Well, she gave it back to me, didn't she?

[ He huffs and takes the coffee, blowing on it slowly. ]

Hell, if I ever propose to you like that, just smash me in the head with your shield until I forget, alright?

You ever propose to me at all, I'll make sure you forget.

[ Didn't he basically just say he ain't the marrying type, why would he propose to Steve.

Why would he propose to Steve who he isn't in a relationship with... ]

Thanks. I think I might've learned a lesson about sleeping with friends.

[ The joke doesn't keep his mood light for long, though, and his face drops to something more serious. ]

Not having the right memories like that and then coming back from it felt too much like after I got away from HYDRA, you know? Feels like I can handle a lot in this place just fine, but having my head messed with isn't easy.

...Hey, I get it.

But it wasn't just you.

And hey, next time this happens, if I'm not affected, I'll knock you out of it, no matter how happy you are.

I just don't like the idea of anything messing with my head. I've had enough of that for at least two lifetimes.

[ He can't quite make eye contact with Steve while he's talking about this. There's so much about what was done from him that he tries to protect Steve from knowing. Maybe it's pointless, but he's not exactly in a shape to protect Steve from much else these days. ]

I don't even like letting Shuri in there and she's helping me.

[ Shuri couldn't hurt a fly unless it was supposed to be to protect someone. So he claps Bucky on the arm and pulls him into a loose embrace. ]

Someday it's not gonna have to be like this, alright?

Maybe.

[ He tries to smile, but he can't quite get it up to his eyes. It's hard to believe he'll ever really be free of his ghosts. ]

Maybe this is just who I am now.

Hey, come on. It isn't. You're still the Bucky I've always known.

If you weren't, you wouldn't be fighting so hard.

[ Bucky doesn't have the heart to correct Steve. He's still a part of that Bucky, sure, but he's missing parts and what's left in their place are jagged edges. Steve always wants to see the best in people and Bucky knows he's no exception to that. Still, it stings a little to think that one day he's going to let Steve down. ]

It's not the 1940s anymore. We don't have to want the things we wanted back then.

No, we don't. But that's not what makes you who you are.

[ Steve doesn't let go of this because Bucky's still Bucky and always will be, the guy that follows him into the jaws of death and ribs him about his love life and supports him, always. That's the core essence of Bucky and he hasn't gone anywhere. ]

Well, you're just as stubborn as ever.

[ He kicks Steve's foot gently, but when he smiles this time, there's something real to it that reaches his eyes. Steve's grown, but he's never changed. He's still the Steve Bucky's loved for decades and there's so much comfort in that for him. He's not even sure he could express it in words to Steve. ]

I'm just Bucky Barnes: Best Friend of Steve Rogers.

Only if I'm just Steve Rogers: Best friend of Bucky Barnes.

[ He gently elbows Bucky in the arm, but it's the metal one, so it probably doesn't hurt.

It was always that way growing up... Bucky, and his best friend Steve. But he never minded. He doesn't mind it now. ]

I only have room in my life for one best friend and you're it, punk.

[ And maybe it's just like that, but even though Bucky knows he's pretty broken, Steve at least makes him feel like he's been taped back together. He's a reminder of who Bucky is, or at least who he knows he wants to be. ]

I really don't know where I'd be without you.

Probably off moaning by yourself. Or with Lefty.

[ He'll always be here to tape Bucky back together, fill up his edges with gold and call him perfect. ]

Hey, I could also be howling with Rip. She likes a good bark at the moon.

Yeah, yeah, or howling with Rip.

How's she doing? You both go out running at night?

I run. She kind of pads after me like a giant, lazy good-for-nothing.

[ He laughs, clearly full of love for the dog he's shared his bed with for over a year just about every night that he wasn't sharing it with Skye. ]

She's like the opposite of you when we were kids. Giant and menacing-looking and all she wants to do is nap.

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